A Good Porno Is Hard To Find

So many articles I read about porn ‘for women’ either take the tack that women are fluffy headed innocents who want to look at kissing and hand holding, lit by candles and wishes, or that we don’t need anything so vulgar. Now if hand holding does it for you, then why on earth are you looking for porn? However if you think that porn is disgusting and depressing then please, give it another chance.

There is something magical that moment of serendipity when you first watch really good porn. Not just people fucking, joylessly, in an overly lit room, but people fucking. Kissing, laughing, screaming, clawing at each other, rolling around, bumping into camera equipment, looking through the lens into your soul. It’s a moment when you realise that porn doesn’t have to be this vast, disgusting machine, it can just be some people who love having sex, doing just that.

Now just to clarify: porn may feature dicks. It may feature cunts. There might be jizz and possibly queefing, and spit, and sweat, and maybe even ingrown pubes. There could be all this and probably more. If you are squeamish about juicy vaginas secreting on faces then I feel bad for you girl. Sex isn’t clean and dry. It’s a dirty cavalcade of grotesque, deal with it.

For those of you who are ready to get your hands dirty the problem can be in finding the right porn. There are two ways to go about this: one is the more scattershot approach. Go to a site like XTube or YouPorn type in whatever floats your boat from ‘sperm contest’ to ‘creampie nerd hypnosis’ and see what comes up. The reason this is scattershot is because these are user submitted sites. Half of the work on them is submitted by enthusiastic amateurs. The other half is illegally uploaded porn. The former is problematic because they often lack cinematic finesse resulting in a plethora of shaky videos, blurry close ups of vaginas, and more than a few incredibly boring blow jobs. There is also the sinking feeling that at least one of the people in these videos doesn’t want to be filmed and doesn’t know this is online. That alone should kill your girl boner. However if solo shows (aka people jerking off for the camera) are your bag, then this is your place. The advent of home HD cameras is, for you, a beautiful thing.

The second problem with most user submitted sites, illegally uploaded professional porn, is something most people ignore. Happy to get their orgasms for free, they forget that someone paid for that video. They paid for the set, and the lighting, and the performers. For the make up artists and viagra. Those people paid for this nice, ethical, filthy porn because they wanted you to see it. The porn industry is huge, and by and large a terrifying place, and I can understand why you would not want to give money to a machine that systematically oppresses and demeans women. However we are all subject to base urges from time to time, and so you have to find a way to satisfy them in the most ethical way possible.

Much like artisan bread and homemade jam, porn gets a lot better when a little care is put into it. The flowery named ‘Heavenly Spires‘ features men, both cis and transgendered, shot beautifully talking about what they like about themselves, and then alternating between frolicking and being filthy, sometimes alone, sometimes with other men. The taster videos feature the men talking, not just teaser clips of the sexing within, and you get a sense that these performers are people, not just fuck holes, often lost in mainstream porn. This website also features one of my major porn crushes, Mickey Mod, so I am a little biased.

If you veer more towards the ‘queer’ end of the scale and find men being men with men a little drab, then you are in luck with Good Dyke Porn, where amateur and professional videos sit side by side. Much like Heavenly Spires, there are often pre and post sex interviews in the videos. Initially this can seem like a waste of your time (“I’m here to get off!”) I find it incredibly interesting listening to people talk about why they wanted to make their videos. From amateurs talking about how the videos became an expression of their love, and intensified their relationship, to professionals talking about fun it was to let loose and do something they enjoy rather than pout for the camera. Honestly: it’s heart warming.

The nice ethical porn where we all hang out and chat about jizz stains afterwards market isn’t solely cornered by the un-heterosexuals. There is also the behemoth that is kink.com who produce everything from 3D Kink (‘a virtual 3D erotic game limited only by your imagination’) to the awesomely named Divine Bitches. Kink.com cover everything from straight to gay to cis to trans to virtual-gendered, all with a BDSM slant, and often a sense of humour. Recently I was watching the video where Nicki Blue lost her virginity live on camera. This could have been a terrible video, I was prepared to hate it and feel offended. However, Nicki a veteran camgirl who’d had anal sex before, was so excited, leaping, clapping and grinning her head off that I began to soften. Then, as she looked at her most nervous, James Deen cracked a joke. A joke, while people were naked, about to take a lady’s virginity! The whole room laughed, I laughed, Nicki laughed. Her face relaxed, she smiled again. It felt, honestly, it felt cute.

Now here’s where I need you: I realised as I was writing this, that I don’t know of any sites that do straight up, heterosexual, non kinky porn. I also realised that is what a lot of people, possibly even the majority of people, are into, and I am totally marginalising them. Poor, poor, vanilla heterosexual people. I am a bad person. All the sites, I found by googling or recommendations were depressing strip lit, nightmares. Brazzers was as close as I got to something not exploitative but it was a waxed vulva, twice sewn on nipple nightmare. So reader: where do you go for your jazz vid fix? Are there more queer awesome filth pedlars out there I don’t know of? Do share!

 

This article’s picture is taken from a porno where James Deen, Mickey Mod, Mark Davis, two other dudes, and Ashli Orion (directed by my heroine Princess Donna) created a ‘panda porno’. Yes, you read that right.



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6 total comments on this postSubmit yours
  1. Lily Cade is definitely one to look out for (and would make for an great interview!). She began as a performer in queer sites like THE CRASH PAD series, and now has written/directed/edited several features for Filly Films (Live Nerd Girls, Butches and Babes) that feature a mix of mainstream and indie talent. Her work is refreshingly tasteful, geeky, and queer positive.

  2. SHIT Lily Cade! Of fucking course! I was sitting there writing this, thinking “There are at least 5 people/sites I’ve totally forgotten and no amount of googling is helping.”

    Thank you!

  3. This is a good article, but I think there’s still a problem no matter how ethical the site appears. Penny Flame, who used to work for kink.com, was on a reality tv show to get ‘clean’ ie stop taking drugs and, through this, stop doing porn. Kink.com still post new penny flame videos because she filmed so many whilst unhappy. I’m not saying kink is an unethical site or anything, especially compared to others, but it’s just so hard to know when all you have is a video and performers.

    • There are also a lot of dodgy things about Kink’s pay structure (KinkLive employees were recently talking about how pay cuts mean it is impossible for them to earn a living wage), which is fucking awful. But it is sadly, the most ethical of kink porn sites. It’s crap having to pick somewhere which is so problematic, I just wish there was more choice.

      • The industry doesn’t see any point making ethical heterosexual porn that isn’t kink or queer focused because most people don’t realise or don’t care about the practices of the mainstream industry and there’s so much of it that it’s hard to avoid.

        All they have to do is dress one or two performers up as ‘ethical’ within that and most people will buy into the same way they do when a label says ‘designer’ or ‘gourmet’ but they don’t actually need to change anything. But without a standard to show performers are making a genuine choice (and I don’t know how you do that when many performers use drugs but aren’t addicted and many have had sexual abuse in their past, but without labelling them helpless because of it and patronising them on top of it…) what does ‘ethical porn’ mean?

        I have no answers. I avoid porn for the all the reasons I’ve just mentioned. It’s a minefield. I’m starting to see why badly written mucky books are the hottest show in town!

  4. I guess it’s the same as anything else that functions towards capital. It’s just the stakes are higher when it comes to sex.

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